I'm a Jackass

There is a great little mockumentary about the real estate market called Closing Escrow with some of the people from Reno 911.  I wish I had copies of that movie to just hand out to people.  One of the plot lines includes a white, patronizingly racist real estate agent whose clients are a married couple of African American lawyers.  She gets upset with them as the story goes on and accuses them of stealing her antique WWII cigarette lighter.  When she has to contact them to tell them they got the house, she gushes  and is embarrassed about her behavior, because they pointed out the lighter was still on her shelf.  She cries and whimpers, "I'm a jackass."

How many times do I feel I need to approach people I've offended the exact same way?  I'm irritated that I have to go the ward I am assigned to.  The population has not improved since my initial census.  However, I was mean spirited last week.  And even some of this week.  I've been ungrateful and prideful (though it irks me to admit it).  I had an interview to renew my temple recommend with my bishop and realized I agreed with every one of the questions asked of me and that any other irritation with the process I have to go through right now is silly.  If I want to be in a different ward, then I'll need to move.  And I will.  But I'm grateful for the real reason I go to church.  So I bit my glares this week and worked to avoid giving dirty looks.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

I am reading Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris--I started it ages ago, but haven't taken the time to pick it up again.  It's a funny read if you are looking.  Well there is one short chapter in there about how he is at a dinner party and goes into the bathroom and finds that someone clogged the toilet and now it's his responsibility to deal with it because other wise people will think it was him.  That totally just happened to me.  So embarrassing.  I go into the bathroom, find the problem, try to deal with it and nothing was working.  So I abandoned my noble efforts for another stall.  Well then someone else walks in and tries to do the same thing and abandoned it also.  So while I am washing my hands, a third girl walks in and I warn her that it is clogged and to use another stall.  As I was walking out I realized she probably thinks I did it.  Greaaaat.  Just what I need for my reputation at the office--the commode blocker.

The only dates I can get...

I was forced out of the ward I wanted to join.  The bishop said I had to go to the ward I am assigned to--back to evil photographer lady who has no sensitivity for people who are a bit shy and don't like their picture taken before formal introductions have been made.  It's ok, I gave her the dirtiest of dirty looks on Sunday.  If she tries to take my picture again, she'll know why the paparazzi now leave Sean Penn alone.

Now that leaves me in a ward where familial mental disabilities are prevalent.  The Bishop smiled at me while I sat down, defeated.  I gave him a dirty look too.  I'm not a very humble or cooperative person.

For the time being, my chances of meeting anyone I would be remotely interested in are slim to none.  But I do have the opportunity for online dating.  My job includes researching individuals and trying to find out where they live.  In this process I have developed many online relationships in order to find this information out.  I had a date last night with someone in New Mexico and he emailed me today asking why I didn't show up for our date at Knuckleheads(we got his car btw).  I'm getting tired of my relationship with a girl up in Washington as she keeps hiding from my drivers, but loves me and wants to move in soon.  My alter ego gets more dates than I do.  How many people can say that?

I am so tired and I have so much work to do.  Such is life, right?

Grandma's Birthday

Everyone in my family gathered together to work on chores at Grandma's house for her birthday.  I was in charge of cleaning an organizing the basement, no small feat.  I arranged to have lots of stuff thrown out while distracting my aunt who believes in saving everything.  My brothers did a lot of difficult work on the roof and in the yard and were very helpful.  My sisters did windows and planted flowers and cleaned inside as well.  After all the festivities including home made lasagna made by my sister's Italian exchange student, we took my younger niece to the park and I snapped some photos.  She is really adorable.  She was not a fan of the rocking horses, but gave the slides two thumbs up.  I really love my family and am happy I get to spend so much time with my nieces.  They are energetic and inquisitive and it is really fun to watch the world through their eyes.

A Day at the Beach

My grandma told me not to go to the beach yesterday because she said it was too far of a drive and the weather would be horrible.  I have been without the beach for so long that I just needed to drive until my car reached the Pacific Ocean.  Ienveloped myself in the freshly rained on hills of Northern California and journaled while sitting on the beach.  The lambing season is in and playful black and white lambs were jumping all over the hills.  On my drive back from the beach, I was driving slowly so I could enjoy the scenery and this uptight little convertible sped around me on the one lane road so she could get where ever she wanted to be.  I don't know why anyone would rush through these hills.  I wish I had had more time to climb around.

...

 20 And again, The Lord ^aknoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are ^bvain.

  21 Therefore let no man ^aglory in men. For all things are yours;

  22 Whether ^aPaul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come; ^ball are yours;

  23 And ye are ^aChrist’s; and Christ is God’s.

1 Corinthians 3: 20-23

Ban List

I watched a six part documentary on addiction and one of the points made was that addicts don't have to hit rock bottom before making the decision to change and often forced rehab is quite successful.  The earlier the intervention, the better.  There is a lot of talk with weight watchers about not forbidding yourself certain foods, just worry about portions.  I don't seem to be too great with portion control, so I'm making a ban list for now (I started making the list in my head last night while finishing a scoop of my favorite BR ice cream, Gold Medal Ribbon).  We'll see how it works:

• Oreos--especially the mint kind.
• Pringles


• I read an article showing that Oreos and Pringles are the worst possible things for your body besides bullets and heroin.


• Caramel
• Any cookies or candies G brings home from Trader Joe's.
• Diet Coke/Diet Dr. Pepper (I've been sober for over a week now, but I just get too dependent on this stuff)
• Brie--especially the ooey gooey kind from Trader Joe's.  (I'm starting to see a pattern--how can I possibly give up Trader Joe's?!)
• Bags of individually wrapped chocolate.  You know who you are and what you have done to contribute to my ever growing posterior.
• Popcorn--in theory this is healthy, but not with melted butter on it.  So you can have it only at work as I know you don't have any butter in the fridge at work and would be way too embarrassed to put melted butter on microwaved popcorn in front of your coworkers.
• Cake
• Ice Cream
• Cupcakes
• Chinese food
• Fast food--anything with a drive thru is out.
• Starbucks--that goes for you too.
• Anything in G's candy bowls-premium nuts (stop laughing--it wasn't a dirty joke), mint truffles, butter mints, etc.
• Dare I say it--my own chocolate chip cookies.  These will have to take a hiatus until I can get myself figured out with this whole relationship with food.

I can't have a healthy relationship with food if I keep putting out all the time.  I need to play hard to get and enjoy life outside of food for a while.  Dammit.  Next blog post will be activities I need to take up to replace my love affair with food.